Penguins

The Serenade of the Damned and Rapturous

Alright, this story is a detailed description of my most recent dream. I thought it was hilarious and fun. I was one of the young Vampires. Please be advised that the passages contain descriptions that may be offensive or inappropriate (especially children). Readers read at your own discretion.


My name is Hades and today I stand victoriously upon the corpse of the most loathsome enemy our kind has ever fought. For too long he tortured our brothers and sisters without mercy. Look now upon his face, hapless, weak, and dumb. Before I tell you what happened today in this field, flooded with gaudy bodies, you must know of this foe.

His name was Jimmy. To his people, he was Jimmy the Flower. To us, he was Jimmy the Stink. He was a great leader to his people merely because of his lyrics on world peace and the purging of our kind. Every day he stood upon the wooden stage, played his penis-shaped guitar, and sang. When the night veiled the sky, he would bring out our captured brothers and sisters, and tortured them. No Vampire deserves to be wrapped with foul-smelling shawls and painted in rainbow colors! A good brother of mine was among his captives but he managed to escape. When he returned to us, our obsidian eyes eroded, for we saw flowers of pink and blue painted on his handsome face. Oh how he wept like a child, for he suffered so much from the presence of Teddy Bears and fluffy kittens that he desperately wished to greet the sun. It was then when I vowed to kill Jimmy the Stink.

We Vampires have been fighting the Hippies for centuries. They are a multitude of bodies that have no sense of progress. Their senses are bent only on the fragrance of the burning leaf and their so-called ecstatic music to which our ears can go deaf. For our brothers and sisters, slumbering near these rotting zombies is of great discomfort. As long as the Hippies exist, the Earth trembles with disgusting symphonies and mindless lyrics. We Vampires grew tired of listening to the nonsensical gibberish.

Ten hours ago, I led an army of three hundred warriors, fully clad in the most advanced armor we have created. We were impervious to the sunlight, and armed with pliers and blow torches. Our weapons had to be crude and painful for these mindless drones. However our brightly colored enemies were quite formidable.

Jimmy the Stink had an army of over ten thousand Hippies, armed with guitars, flutes and crossbows that fired perfume bolts. We were not intimidated by their numbers, for most of them were already disoriented like dying flies.

As the sun was falling behind the northwestern horizon, we fought relentlessly against the Hippies. I with my pliers and blow torch cut my path through the horde at ease, hoping to meet Jimmy the Stink. He was not too far, for I could smell the horrid stench of his spongy underarms. And there upon that rock he stood, naked as a jaybird. As I got closer to him, my eardrums quaked, and my nostrils scalded. He was singing John Lennon’s Imagine and his odor was nefariously horrendous. My mind was in pain but I did not falter. While my brothers and sisters fought, spilled paint, and burned petals, I roared to strike upon his wiggling penis, tattooed with bluish colors to look like a humming bird.

With one swing of my pliers, he fell rolling to the ground screaming, as the lyrics of Imagine evaporated into the air. I showed him no mercy. The blow torch became my euphoria when I burned his blue eyes. Consumed with joy I sang Frank Sinatra’s My Way. With his last breath, the remaining Hippies decided to flee at last. But we showed them no mercy. While I disfigured Jimmy the Stink, our soldiers pursued those fools. At the stroke of midnight, we had killed all ten thousand Hippies and their pathetic leader, Jimmy the Stink. We shall scatter the limbs and heads of these Hippies throughout the lands. We tasted not a single drop of their blood, however. It is brimming with diseases to which we Vampires are not immune.

Today is a new victory for the Vampires and there will be more, my young brothers and sisters. Soon all Hippies will be annihilated and the Vampires can roam free without the fear of being showered with petals, shrouded in rainbow shawls or poisoned with the smell of burned leaves. Now go and help your elders dismember these corpses but be cautious and keep your tongues behind your lips!

10/07/09

Dancing Among the Trees

I enter a forest, elegant and magnificent,
Deciduous trees bustle and wave in sight,
Lofty they reach for effulgent constellations,
The night is not dark but beaming with starlight.

I smell the fragrant air, clean as crystals,
Blown by the gentle breeze from mountains,
Flying with variegated leaves and petals,
Lo! a glade veiled with velvet curtains.

I enter the glade, lonely but tranquil,
Near to my eyes are a company of trees,
Whose leaves are falling but stoical,
Among them is a dancing lady.

I see her, clad in translucent white,
Like the rhythm of a dulcet tune,

She dances as her dress blush with starlight,
Now I am no different than a gazing statue.

9/14/09

Hainanese Chicken Rice

Sometimes when I eat, it is only because I'm hungry and sometimes that is bad. When I am very hungry I tend to forget the divine purpose of my tongue: to taste the delicacies of paradise. There are times when I simply buy some cheap asian food with chicken (hardly tastes like chicken, probably rat or penguin) only because I want to eat. A few days ago, my tongue tasted a delectable dish: the Hainanese Chicken Rice.

Whenever an oblivious female sleeps with a deceiver or a blind male seeks that which is not there, God makes the world a better place with Hainanese Chicken Rice.

Unaware of what this dish is? It is a dish of rice boiled with chicken broth, and some chicken meat (either roasted or steamed). The tiny mound of yellowish rice lustered like gold as it eminated a fragrance that amplified my appetite. For this meal, I decided to order steamed chicken. So placed next to the gorgeously glowing rice were pieces of chicken meat coated with a resin-like texture. But that was not complete. Having this meal with only chicken and rice is like having sex without orgasms from both parties. Married to the dish were three bowls, one of which was particularly larger than the rest. The larger bowl was for the chicken soup. The others were for two different dipping sauces: a) sweet soy sauce, black like obsidian, and b) chilli sauce. Sometimes there would be a third dipping which is pounded ginger sauce but not for this dish.

Nonetheless, the palatable meal made me rot with tasteful pleasure. It was so horrendously delicious I wanted more! God was kind and generous, for my mother who ordered the same exact dish could only finish half of it. So without hesitation, I kindly asked her if she could just pour the rest of her meal onto my submissive plate. In the end, the plate had a slippery surface.

My compliments to the chef of the KLGCC Club!!

9.8/10
FRUIT!!!!!!

A long break

It's been nearly a month since I posted the first part of Opulent Madness. It's just a long break. Part II of Opulent Madness will be posted soon but in the meantime, here's a spontaneous poem:

Deeply Wounded

A lie? A thought? A dream?
All this time have I been stronger or weaker?
The knife has stabbed me and the wound runs deep,
Like a blind diver who plunges into the sea,
Looking for the mermaid he may never find.

I love the one who does not love me,
Yet I insist on pursuing it,
Will it all be for nought in the end when I die?
This new feeling is a bastard because it does
Nothing but grind my heart like rock on glass.

I am in pain in my heart,
For the flower chooses not to bloom at me,
Shall I wait and keep watering until I wilt,
While the bees are busy sucking her nectar?
I have already done much and I am lost.

Opulent Madness Part I: Courtyard of Slaves

Why do you weep child? Has the Earth been so terrible to you?
If that is true then you are weak, for the world is nothing but a speck,
And you are a singular droplet of water bound to dissolve,
Whatever your deeds are your soul will be forever lost and tortured,
And you shall never know the subtleties of beauty the Earth provides
Out of all the madness humanity has forged from itself.

Your soul aches for another droplet that does not desire you.
You truly are weak, and if you torment yourself like this forever,
You shall fall deep into a dark world. Let me show you this realm born
From the womb of all humanity’s madness.

O Aching Soul, come now with me to the Viscera of Chaos.

After the hag whispered to me with a voice of daggers,
She thrusts her left hand into her gut and pulled out her bowels,
With those she made a single leash and tied it around my neck,
It felt cold and wet like a squirming skinless snake.
The journey begins as she hovered backwards pulling me,
And all come to darkness as though I am blind until I hear wails.

I see a gate in a shape of a foul mouth, wrought of forsaken souls,
Every wail is a plea for freedom but every shred of ignorance
Is a rivet that holds them to the rusty beams of insanity.
I touch a soul and my nail falls like a leaf in autumn.
The hag shrieks and my eardrums quake like a dancing mountain,
And so the terrible wailings stopped. Silence and calm.
As the sky darkens into a vast ceiling of nothingness, the gate opens.

I see a majestic courtyard strewn with ruins of ancient structures,
Citadels and temples that have been destroyed not by earth,
But by the flesh of doomed mortals. Thousands of them are beating
Walls and columns with their own limbs and heads for an eternity,
And their blood, unnatural as the skin of rotten apples never cease
To stop gushing from their cuts and wounds. The hag hovers and
Pulls me into the courtyard, as I shiver with fear to see these pitiful
Souls tormenting themselves, as though my eyes are being squeezed
By a pair of invisible hands with nails sharp as the jagged teeth of sharks.

We have not entered the Lair of Delirarus yet and your eyes hurt?
Pull yourself together weakling, this is the courtyard of slaves,
Mere mortals who enslaved themselves to their own desires.

Her voice is harsh as if porcupines are struggling to escape her throat,
And so I let myself to see the courtyard, though it torments me to do so.
I look at one soul, a maiden it seems whose skin has eroded,
Like white stones in the mountains. Every crack of her flesh glows
With the red of blood as she incessantly chokes her nostrils with
A marble finger of a fallen statue. I weep at the sight of her torment,
For her face is blank like a clear canvas but with eyes black as void.

Behold! A great citadel that stands upon a mountain of bones,
It pierces the darkened sky like a worm digging through a corpse’s flesh,
There appeared to be no windows or doors, just a titanic structure,
Made of living flesh and organs.

The Viscera of Chaos is the kingdom of Delirarus,
The eloquent deceiver of mortals, the lord and lady of contorted lust,
The ravenous eater of joy, and the nefarious tyrant of madness.
It is Delirarus that you shall meet, from whom you shall know your place.

The Aching Soul

Where does my heart lie?
Along a road riddled with flattened carcasses?
On a bed pampered with Athena's silken robes?

I am certain that at least a part of it,
Is on the tip of a blunt knife.

It gets heavier and heavier,
As the burden rises the blood seeps,
I want it to stop growing,
But it is persistent,
Like how time never stops.

Nik Zaid Hanis

Living Among Mindless People

Kelantan lost the FA Cup football match against Negri Sembilan. Did it end there? By the aching sores of incessant diarrhea, the answer is NO! Kelantan’s moment of defeat was an ignition of both utter stupidity and mindless anarchy worthy of only a group of spoiled six-year-old boys.

So what happened after Negri Sembilan won? The goal keeper from the Kelantan team decided to demonstrate his so-called manliness by attacking the Negri Sembilan striker. A noble act indeed, for it inspired a horde of baboons to start wreaking havoc. In other words, a bunch of Kelantan fans among whom was a secondary school teacher (shame on you!), decided to go on a rampage, as if they were deprived of their rights as human beings. Apparently, they were just angry that their team lost. “Fans cannot act violently if their team had lost,” said Federal Police Chief Tan Sri Musa Hassan in Kuala Lumpur. Sore losers.

It was pretty chaotic. A couple of police officers were injured and an 18-year-old lost an eye during the riot. Some vehicles were damaged. Firecrackers were let loose as if the Malaysian government never came to be.

So fellow Malaysians, let us ask ourselves this question: are we still living among Neanderthals who never correlate with intelligence? An event such as this is evident enough that we are, unfortunately. It was only a game for Heaven’s sake! Food supply did not deplete, no earthquake with a magnitude of 6.3 occurred, no genocide is happening (God Forbid). One team was defeated and “28” fans decided to behave like starving baboons (Reminds me of Zombies from the movie "28 Days Later". I must repeat that one of them was a secondary school teacher in his 30s who apparently, according to both The Star and News Straits Times, had the firecrackers.

FECES!!!!!!

Sources:

http://www.nst.com.my/Current_News/NST/Thursday/NewsBreak/20090409202558/Article/index_html

http://thestar.com.my/news/story.asp?file=/2009/4/8/nation/20090408171326&sec=nation

Winsome Flower

This poem is dedicated to someone very special to me.
Please click on the picture to read it.

Emerald Maiden

This is my current desktop wallpaper. She is actually the human (powerful) form of my computer whose name is Elucine. Haha

Credits to Katanaz-Stock for providing the gorgeous model.
http://katanaz-stock.deviantart.com/art/Female-Stock-19-67382722

Please click on the picture to see it in full.

The Wizard

The Joker's Gallery

This was made just two months before The Dark Knight opened.


This is my first clone manip and it was made in October 2007.

Wow... both victims look really ugly. The Jokers look really charming, despite bad makeup *cough*.

Please click on the pictures to view them in full.

The Meeting

I meet her and she meets I,
Unlike garrulous sluts and studded inccubi,
Our hands and bodies mumble in desire,
We are naught but lovers kindled in fire,
The earth deviates into dreams and lies,
All living seals beyond the lonely skies,
We in our passions and lusts neglect all,
A bond is forged and we shall not fall.

Before merging we must first squeeze,
Our essence and our souls like wine,
Anxious miseries of past shall freeze,
We drink so I am hers and she is mine.

Into a luxurious chamber soaked in purple,
Its bed, a square of pillows red as apple,
Threads of petals form a splendorous veil,
We lie, touch, and like a first born we inhale,
Now we wear that which manifests the room,
Too long have our beauties hidden in gloom,
Neither doubt nor conscience stands in our way,
Swaying our names and limbs, begins our play.

Nik Zaid Hanis

Fall 2005

The Vicious Biatch

Please click on the picture to see it in full.

Watchmen is Heart-stabbingly Exciting!

Watchmen is piece of visual art filled with heart-stabbing excitement, and painted with thought-provoking storyline. Nonetheless, the movie is not without its flaws.



Set in an alternate era of 1985 during which America was helmed by President Nixon(Robert Wisden) and under the watchful eyes of costumed heroes, the story begins with the death of a hero – the harsh, brutal, and amoral Comedian (Jeffrey Dean Morgan). His death is being investigated by the outlawed vigilante named Rorschach (Jackie Earle Haley) who wore a white mask with ink blots that constantly shape shifts. From there, the story progresses with four other main characters: the elegantly bluish but celestial Dr. Manhattan (Billy Crudup), the righteous Night Owl II (Patrick Wilson), the viciously sexy Silk Spectre II (Malin Akerman), and the extremely intelligent but swift Ozymandias (Matthew Goode). As the story unravels, the plot embarks on a long but gut-wrenchingly entertaining ride.


The film sprinkles the face of cruelty and violence in a very disturbing but meaningful way. Not for the faint hearted or those who are pregnant, there are scenes where you’d feel the pain of broken bones or sawed limbs. Cruelty is a recurring theme and with this movie, one may wonder if such a thing is required for the greater good at face of annihilation.

Unlike many redundant and mundane superhero movies (i.e. Ghost Rider, the horrendously craptastic Fantastic 4* movies), this one gets you to question the virtues and moralities of societies – if you choose to care of course.

While the performance of the entire cast is above average (but not great), the special effects are ridiculously cartoonish, especially for today’s standards. However, the bluish radiance of Dr. Manhattan’s naked body and the gushing of reddish fluids are seamlessly rendered.

Zack Snyder has concocted a film worthy of praise, despite its little flaws. It can be hard to consider this movie laudable because of its unusual illustration of themes. Yet it is because of its themes that separate this movie from the typical heroes versus villains

7.5/10 FRUIT!

*I can't believe Rise of the Silver Surfer was our first movie, Rus. What was I thinking?!

Mr. Scott's Alien, a Masterpiece of Horror

Many of today’s typical horror movies are sadly the residue of empty imaginations. Normally, a supposedly scary flick is wrought with brainless women whose appearances are as hallow as those of Barbie dolls. They run and scream and die in a pool of their own grinded flesh. There is hardly any emotional connection between the characters of these horror flicks and the audience.

In 1979, viewers experienced the ravages of the remorseless beast from Ridley Scott’s “Alien”. This was the sci-fi horror that demonstrated a good flow of intellectual plot, and a whole breeding nest of terror. Unlike many no-brainer horror films today, “Alien” is unpredictable and filled with unique characters.

The story centers the seven crewmembers of a gargantuan commercial spaceship, Nostromo carrying about twenty million tons of ore. When three of the crewmembers investigated a transmission of unknown origin from a planetoid, they found a derelict alien spaceship filled with eggs. The investigation had to be abandoned because one of the three had a hand-like parasite clutched to his face. He was taken back to Nostromo for treatment. After they left the planetoid, no one was aware of a new passenger on board until it made a shockingly bloody appearance. They were now being terrorized by a fiendish monster free from “delusions of morality”.

The creature itself hardly makes a full appearance throughout the film. Nonetheless, the shadowy glimpses of it are appropriate for the claustrophobic setting of Nostromo.
Mr. Scott has chosen the perfect architect to design the beast. The award-winning Swiss surrealist, H.R. Giger has combined the elements of eroticism and bone-like morbidity to shape an elegantly terrifying monster. Black as a void, its head looks more like a gigantic circumcised penis with a mouth, and a tongue that can penetrate a skull.

The sense of fear in this movie is manifested with the flawless performance of the entire cast. Sigourney Weaver and Veronica Cartwright are notably remarkable as Ripley and Lambert. Each character has his/her own unique characteristics that it is impossible to consider them generic. They are so realistically natural it would be hard to accept at least one death.

Mr. Scott’s “Alien” is truly a triumphant exhibition of superb visual-storytelling in the realms of fear, proving that horror flicks need not require corpses of blank beautiful girls, idiotic young studs, or ridiculously elaborate gut-mincing traps to be stupendously entertaining and scary.

9.7/10
FRUIT!

Hello all,

Here's a little introduction about me. Many people either call me Nik or Zaid but mostly Zaid. I am from the gradually growing city of Kuala Lumpur in which high speed internet is as slow as a steamroller (stop living in the stone age TMnet! Vision 2020 is nothing but cock talk if the internet service is severely lacking). Please make full use of the internet if you are unaware of where this city is, or what a particular word means.

I am currently studying in University of Northern Iowa, in the decent town of Cedar Falls. As of now, this place is being cursed by nature's dreadfully unpredictable cold weather.

I won't say much about me. The content of this blog is far more important.

So what is my blog about, especially with the title - "Fruits and Feces"(brainstorming titles is painstakingly difficult)? This blog will contain my reviews on whatever piece of entertainment I experience (i.e. movies, games,artwork etc), and any current events/issues I'd like to opine. Each post will have a verdict: either FRUIT or FECES. It's rather simple for now. If it's good, it's a FRUIT and if it's bad, it's FECES. I won't go into detail on how I'll give verdicts. You will see it in my next post, if everything works out.

In addition to these reviews and opinions, I'll post my poems and edited/non-edited pics. These are for you to give the verdict. Not me. You may only decide to stamp either FRUIT or FECES for each. However, you must explain in at least five sentences why you choose that verdict. I'll ditch any verdict without some kind of support.

So that's it for now. My next post will be a review on a movie.

Nik Zaid Hanis