I thought I'd never continue blogging but the issue engulfing Valentine's Day in Malaysia is so foolishly ridiculous, it sparked the resurrection of Fruits & Feces.
So PAS Youth has decided to lead an expedition on Valentine's Day (including the night before), dispatching its agents on certain locations in Malaysia (i.e. Tasik Titiwangsa and Bukit Bintang)to preach mainly young Muslim couples on what is halal and haram (what is permitted and forbidden in Islam). Apparently, this particular day encourages unhealthy social life leading to baby-dumping (a form of infanticide). This expedition is meant to not only preach but also help solve the baby-dumping issue.
I must be frank. Claiming that Valentine's Day is one of the major causes of baby-dumping is absurdly ridiculous. So on other days, nothing happens? No irresponsible or uneducated couple will have reckless sex in any of the 364 days? In my honest opinion and I believe there are a number who'd agree (if you don't, feel free to comment and rebut), Valentine's Day has nothing to do with this act of infanticide. Among many others, one major cause is the lack of sex education. One should not fear that sex education will breed a new generation of pornstars or maniacal beasts who would only strive for a carnal lifestyle. Procreation is part of our lives and I think parents, teachers, and/or guardians should not be afraid to educate the young about it. Just look at it this way, an informed person has a higher chance of making a practical/wise decision than an uninformed one.
I also think that culture has a major part in this particular infanticide. Once a girl is pregnant out of wedlock (this can happen through any means from not knowing what the hell is going on to being drugged by a jerk who is a slave to his own phallus to just pissing off the ex-boyfriend, etc), it is very possible that she will be horrifically humiliated (you can use your wild imaginations here) or even exiled from her family. That can incite the pregnant girl to take desperate measures such as, (to put it very bluntly) defecating the infant or forced infant diarrhea. If it survived, it will be left neglected in some garbage dumpster until someone finds it by accident. In this case both the infant and the girl are the victims (which one is more of a victim than the other, you decide). I think parents, family members, teachers or even friends should not look at the pregnant girl as someone who committed a sin, but as a victim who needs your support and protection.
So Valentine's Day is not a major cause of baby-dumping (that's specious reasoning) as some people have claimed. The issue goes far deeper than that. It is very appalling that Valentine's Day has become a serious political topic that there are at least four articles about the issue in the Star newspaper. Now that is very sad and unfortunate. Nonetheless, I do not resent PAS Youth's intention to preach. It is their right to do so, as it is the right of others to express or preach their beliefs, as long as they don't harm others.
But one might ask, what does ZAID think of Valentine's Day? I don't really care how others want to celebrate it, or whether or not they want to. If a husband or a boyfriend wants to do something special for his significant other during Valentine's Day (and vice versa), so be it. Just don't be so stupid as to cause unnecessary problems for both parties or the external parties. However, I wouldn't really get all excited about it. I'd make a day special for that special someone on any day I want.
I'd consider this a FRUIT article but the issue is definitely FECES!!!
Saturday, February 12, 2011
Wednesday, April 28, 2010
The Significance of Practicing Islam in America
Introduction
There have been many misconceptions about the nature of Islam and the rituals through which the Muslims conduct their faith. Much confusion ripples among many non-Muslims and some Muslims themselves about the basics of the monotheistic religion itself. If one must understand Islam, there is a need to scan its basics or fundamental principles.
The sole purpose of being a Muslim is to submit to Allah (Hunt, 2006). Submission is all about doing everything (as permissible in the Islamic doctrines) in this world in the name of Allah. This is why many Muslims begin any activity (eating, sleeping, working, performing, interviewing, etc) and especially religious rituals with a phrase in Arabic, BISMILLAHIR-RAHMANIR-RAHIM, which literally means, in the name of Allah, the most gracious, the most merciful. Furthermore, submission to Allah is about fulfilling the five pillars of Islam, and surviving with as much avoidance from anything forbidden (Haraam in Arabic) as possible (Hunt 2006).
Surviving and reaping the benefits of the world through the path of Islam requires the gathering and managing of knowledge. Therefore, education is no stranger to Muslims. In fact, knowledge is extremely valued in Islam that it is divided into two types. There are the divine knowledge (religious doctrines derived from the Quran and Hadith) and the mundane knowledge (science, philosophy and art) (Daun and Arjmand, 2005). Both of them are equally important for Muslims to pilot their lives in the eyes of Allah.
With this foundation of Islam, I thought of exploring the very essence of being a Muslim in the U.S., as opposed to being so in a Muslim-dominant state or country such as Saudi Arabia, Indonesia, Iran or Malaysia.
However, what intrigues me as a Muslim myself is the fact that many Muslims, especially the moderate Muslims are conflicted by their own identities or roots (Bilgrami, 1992). This has led them to debate on social issues such as gender roles, and politics. According to the Quran and Hadith, men and women do have specific roles based on their gender such as the very basic of husband and wife, where the husband is the “breadwinner” and the wife is the house keeper (Read, 2004). Some Muslim men and women are not particularly comfortable with that idea in this time of age (Bilgrami, 1992). On that note, American-Muslims who cater to traditional family values, favor the Republicans more than Democrats because of their conservative concepts, particularly the one on family unit (Mazrui, 1996). The ones who support the Democrats are appealed by the separation of Church and state, but the party also observes libertarianism leading to the practice of many social conducts that are against the laws of Islam.
With that in mind, I decided to embark on a qualitative study on a small Muslim group in the University of Northern Iowa (UNI) who congregate every Friday on campus, in order to comprehend the nature of practicing Islam in the U.S. In addition, as I conducted the research, I observed the implications of preserving their identities as Muslims. The main purposes of this research were to help others understand Islam through the perspectives of struggling Muslims, and to help myself delve deeper into my own faith. Therefore, the core theme and field of this research lie in the question: What is the significance of practicing Islam in America?
Research Methods and Procedures
Before I proceed with how I conducted the research, I will elaborate the nature of Islamic Friday prayer and its significance. The second pillar of Islam is to conduct five Salat[1] (formal Islamic prayers) everyday, a daily ritual that is of extreme importance for all Muslim adults. Muslims must conduct Salat at five different periods of the day, following the measurement of the sun’s movement. The five Salat are: Fajr (close to dawn), Dhuhr (midday), Asr (late afternoon and near evening), Maghrib (just after sunsent), and Isha'a (nightfall).
The Friday prayer, known as Jumu'ah is a prayer during which Muslims are required to congregate every Friday afternoon to listen to a Khutbah (sermon) given by a Khateeb (also the Imam, the one who leads the prayers). In the Quran, translated by Dr. Al-Hilali and Dr. Khan it states:
O you who believe (Muslims)! When the call is proclaimed for the Salat on Friday, come to the rememberance of Allah [Jumu’ah religious talk and Salat] and leave off business (and every other thing). That is better for you if you did not but know! (Quran 62:9, p. 652).
As it is written above, the significance of a Friday prayer is to remind every Muslim his/her responsibilities to abide by and hearken to the doctrines of Islam at the end of the week. Hence sermons are given, followed by a short prayer that replaces Dhuhur.
Being a Muslim has been significantly helpful for this research, giving me quick and easy access to the small group of Muslims in UNI. There are usually six to twelve members who congregate at Purple Pen room, under the belly of Maucker Union. Specifically, these are Muslims who come from different parts of the word. At least six of them are from Middle-Eastern countries such as Lebanon, and Saudi Arabia. About two are from Bosnia, one of whom has attained the American citizenship, and the rest are from Libya, Pakistan and Turkey. The participants are mostly UNI students and the rest either work on or off campus.
Moreover, I was able assume the role of Participant-as-Observer, which means I as a researcher was able to conduct observation in the field through the perspective of participation (Lindlof and Taylor, 2002). Not only did I participate by congregating, listening to the sermon and praying on Fridays, I also performed the duty of a Khateeb three times.
The observation of the scenes began on February 5th, 2010. Observing in the setting of the Friday prayers was crucial to understanding the idea of being a Muslim in an American society because this was where the Khateeb talked about being responsible Muslims while maintaining focus on school or work duties, and social stability. In addition, I was able to talk with the participants prior to the sermon, allowing me to conduct ethnographic interviews with participants and more importantly, to schedule informant interviews for further study.
Informant or personal interviews were substantially important in collecting data, during which I could extract information on relevant experiences of participants. To get the participants to narrate or discuss about their experiences and thoughts that helped me with the objective of the research, I asked specific questions. The questions included:
1. What is it like being a Muslim in a Western Environment?
2. How do the Quran and the Hadith provide you guidelines in living and studying and/or working here?
3. How would you approach those who offend you, or any offensive statements?
Throughout the research, I officially interviewed seven participants. Some of the key participants I interviewed were the major participants of the Friday prayers. Pasha Agoes is a UNI graduate student from Indonesia who is also teaching Oral Communications class for his Graduate Assistantship. He is one of the Khateeb. Another graduate student of UNI is Jalloh Abubakarr who comes from Sierra Leone. Like Agoes, he is also a Khateeb. In addition, I’ve also interviewed (virtually with the use of email due to time conflicts) Nawaf AsSulami, another graduate student of UNI from Saudi Arabia who is a member of the student organization, Muslim Student Association (MSA). He is responsible for reserving the Purple Pen room in the Maucker Union for Friday prayers.
Findings and Analysis
As initially discussed the core theme of this research was the essence of practicing Islam in an American society, in which many values, cultures and beliefs are contradictory to those of Islam. To compose an analytic comprehension of the study, I will first present the data I’ve found from observations and interviews. Secondly, I will connect these findings to the literature review as discussed earlier in the paper. Finally, all the presented data will be concluded and interpreted with my own personal thoughts and prior knowledge of Islam. Therefore, at the end of this paper the reader should have a more in depth understanding of the religion itself.
In every Friday prayer that I’ve attended and observed for this research, the sermons that were given to the Ma’mumin[2](members) were all specific Islamic guidelines and reminders, as it is intended by the scriptures of the Quran. There were many sermons that I’ve listened and observed but for this paper, I will discuss only two. On February 26th, 2010, Agoes was the Khateeb and the sermon he delivered was about death. The reason for the topic of death was due to the significance of that particular day itself which was Mawlid, the birthday of the Muslim prophet, Muhammad. Agoes indicated that birthdays remind us of our mortality. In other words, we may die at any point of time. “The most intelligent being is the one who always remembers death,” said Agoes. The whole notion of being reminded that we die is that we as servants of Allah should do our best to follow the path of Islam in order to be rewarded both in life and the afterlife. Moreover, time is limited and therefore, we have to survive and attain worldly rewards cautiously and wisely. From this sermon alone, it is clear why these participants care to dedicate a portion of their time every Friday to congregate, listen and pray.
The other sermon was delivered on April 2nd, 2010 by Mohammed Rawwas, the Professor of Marketing in UNI’s College of Business Administration. He talked about the importance of the five prayers. In this sermon, Rawwas emphasized that a Muslim is nothing if he/she does not pray. For example, if a Muslim has been conducting other Islamic rituals such as fasting in the month of Ramadhan and giving alms to the needy, and/or avoiding any acts that are clearly indicated as forbidden in the Quran such as drinking alcohol or having pre-marital sex; all of that will be for naught if he does not pray.
This explains the ritualistic behavior of many adult Muslims. Studying or working in UNI proves to be difficult for some Muslims and myself depending on our schedules. Some Muslims can’t congregate for a Friday prayer because its designated period clashes with their class periods. Professor Rawwas also talked about the difficulty of praying at certain times of day while working or being in classes. He mentioned that being unable to pray because of school and work responsibilities is no excuse because a prayer may be as short as three to five minutes. In addition, in a non-Islamic country one should not be embarrassed to pray when non-Muslims are curiously watching, especially when the freedom of religion is in the First Amendment. Ultimately the most important responsibility for a Muslim is to please Allah and follow the Quran and Hadith.
So what can be understood from just these two sermons? Muslims are very ritualistic, especially when they are dedicated. Being religious in the western world is about facing many challenges and obstacles. By overcoming them, Muslims obtain spiritual, emotional and educational rewards. They would feel more at lost if they deviate from Islam. That is the mutual theme of all the discussions the interviewees delivered to me when I conducted the interviews.
“Salat is a thing that keeps you close to Allah,” said Abubakar. “When you perform it, you are submitting yourself to him. It’s like the purification of the soul.”
“Being different is depressing,” said Hamid (not his real name because he does not want to be named in this paper). “You’d feel like an alien who cannot find anything mutual among non-Muslims.” He has been surrounded by Muslim friends and relatives who are not dedicated to practicing Islam. Seeing them performing acts that are against Islam such as drinking alcohol upsets him. Nonetheless, he maintains his Islamic roots by doing his best not to miss the daily prayers and abide by fundamental rules. “Despite all [that], I still feel strong, like a bigger Muslim,” he said solemnly.
A very interesting piece of information I obtain was from Saad Ahmad, a 23 year-old student from Pakistan. After living in the U.S. since he was very young, he would not raise his “children in Saudi Arabia because they won’t be strong.” Ahmad believes that raising children in the U.S. would help him “teach them to be self-sustained.” He added that in Muslim-dominant countries, there are less challenges to make one a better Muslim.
It is clear that the individuals I interviewed are doing as much as they could with whatever resources they have to be better Muslims. What drives them to do so? As discussed in the introduction, Islam is about submitting to Allah and thus, everything that a Muslim does has to be in his name. For them the greatest reward in the living world is inner peace; whereas the best reward in the afterlife is Paradise. Obtaining these rewards is through becoming better Muslims.
Hence, knowledge is of utmost importance for them to successfully conduct their rituals and prayers. Divine knowledge guides them to prescribed rituals (such as fasting and praying) while mundane knowledge helps them perform these rituals. In other words, experiencing and overcoming challenges grants them the knowledge to please Allah more. For example, the Friday prayers were never conducted in UNI’s Maucker Union until sometime in 2008. Before that, many dedicated Muslims had to carpool or sacrifice a part of their duties to travel to the Waterloo mosque. Given the fact that such a thing proved to be of great inconvenience, members of the MSA decided to make a request for a space in the Maucker Union, in which Muslims can congregate and pray.
Furthermore, the continuous strive to maintain the ritualistic nature of Islam helps them resolve the issue of identity conflict. Once again, this is why Islam stresses on the importance of knowledge and education. It is difficult to understand one’s own identity without knowing the underlying principles and essence of Islam.
Prior to this research I have met and talked with Muslims who consume alcohol. Some of them think that it is “okay” to do so because it simply relieves the stress of the day. Islam enforces social morality (i.e. prohibiting pre-marital sex, or dictates the respect of parents or the elderly) because of consequences (Hunt, 2006). Drinking alcohol is not only sinful but it can lead one to cause harm to others. The issue of gender roles can also be traced back to the enforcement of social morality. Naturally, in a family, the father is the provider and the mother is the nurturer of their children. That is why Islam has a tremendous emphasis on the protection of the female sex like being dressed modestly. Casual premarital sex is strictly prohibited to avoid severe consequences such as being pregnant without financial security (therefore cannot support the baby). Suffice to say, prevention is better than cure.
Conclusion
So what is the significance of practicing Islam in America? It is all about surmounting difficulties out of which comes the satisfaction that one is becoming a stronger and better Muslim. Achieving piety in Islam requires the strength of a Muslim to resolve the specific conflicts and challenges he or she is facing, from resisting peer-pressure of drinking alcohol to maintaining mental stability when being overwhelmed with assignments. Part of that strength is perseverance through patience (which is usually referred to as Sabr in the Quran and Hadith). This explains why all of the participants I interviewed claimed that they would rather remain passive or verbally neutral about offensive remarks on Islam. For example, AsSulami prefers “to ignore offences” and would act on a particular verse in the Quran: “And the (faithful) slaves of the Most Gracious (Allah) are those who walk on the earth in humility and sedateness, and when the foolish address them (with bad words) they reply back with mild words of gentleness” (translated by Al-Hilali and Khan, 2002, p. 416). From what the participants have told me and the sermons I’ve observed, I can conclude that it is better to correct yourself as a Muslim before pointing the wrong actions of others. Needless to say, that is exactly what all of the participants have been doing based on what they have told me. For Muslims henceforth, Islam is a way of life (Hunt, 2006). At the end of the day, the reward of overcoming challenges is not only obtained by Muslims in the western world but by any groups or individuals who are being bombarded with everyday impediments.
Bibliography
Abu-Lughod, L. (2002). Do muslim women really need saving? Anthropological reflections on
cultural relativism and its others. American Anthropologist, New Series, 104(3), 783-790.
Al-Hilali, M., & Khan, M. (2002). The Noble qur'ân. Riyadh: Darussalam.
Bilgrami, A. (1992). What is a Muslim? fundamental commitment and cultural identity.
Critical Inquiry, 18(4), 821-842.
Daun, H., & Arjmand, R. (2005). Education in europe and muslim demands for
competitive and moral education. International Review of Education, 51(5), 403-426.
Hunt, R. (2006). A Brief guide to the study of islam: anthropology and soteriology. United
Methodist Church , 1-12.
Lindlof, T., & Taylor, B,. (2002). Qualitative communication research methods second edition.
London, New Delhi: Sage Publications.
Mazrui, A. (1996). Between the crescent and the star-spangled banner: american muslims and
us foreign policy. International Affairs (Royal Institute of International Affairs 1944-),
72(3), 493-506.
Read, J. (2004). Family, religion, and work among arab american women. Journal of
Marriage and Family, 66(4), 1042-1050.
[1] When Muslims conduct a Salat or pray, they follow a set of prescribed conditions such as taking ablution before praying, and facing the direction of the Kaabah (the cube building in Mecca, Saudi Arabia) in order for the prayer to be complete. The direction of the Kaabah is called Qibla, and in the Maucker Union, the Muslims face Northeast when they pray.
[2] Ma’mumin is the plural word of Ma’mum which literally means followers of the Imam in Arabic.
Monday, March 29, 2010
Rational and Irrational Z
I'm not going to explain why I have not been active in this blog for a demonically long time. So, on to the topic.
After a series of both foul and fantastic eye-opening experiences, I discovered something dyadic about my personality or cognitive status. There are two sides to Nik Zaid Hanis: a) the Rational Zaid, and b) the Irrational Zaid. Ironically, I have come to learn that me being rational is also me embracing the dark side, while being irrational is me clinging to Mr. Congeniality. Why is that?
Well, let's look at George Herbert Mead's theory on Symbolic Interactionism on the part of the "I" and "Me" (from my own understanding of his theory). According to Mead, the "Me" is the person's mirror image based on how others sees him or her; whereas the "I" is the person's reflection based on him/herself. So technically, "I" is my very own perception of myself, while "Me" is my perception of myself based on the collective assumptions of others. Pretty confusing, isn't it? Actually it isn't if your brain isn't so shallow (redundancy is somehow required to accommodate this).
All this time, I've actually been more Mr. Congeniality, subconsciously trying to fit into the norms of what others see me. For example, when I'm in a relationship, I'd forgo a significant part of me to be a person favorable to my significant other and less so to myself. Another example, I'd be very anxious to do some extra work in a group project so I will be significantly beneficial to the entire team. This in turn has somewhat curtailed or chained my inner essence to shine. In short, I have this need to make others happy at the expense of my own joy and perhaps, benefits. Having less benefits for myself to make others happy is actually destructive, and therefore irrational. Hence, Mr. Congeniality is Irrational Zaid.
The "I" within me has made an alarmingly large amount of advice and warnings that Irrational Zaid has ignored, resulting in much lost, such as self-confidence, self-esteem, and ambition (not enough to make me insane). The selfish side has been pushing me to be more practical than emotional on things. There have been literally straight questions like, "So what? Do you actually gain anything by giving in to that petty bullshit?" And the rationale for that question would be, "You can neither please anyone nor control their reactions. Whatever lost they suffer, it's theirs not yours." Of course, this is not really about me purposefully being a negative force or an obstacle to others like, defecating in my big brother's master bedroom, or drinking alcohol naked in front of my relatives (I think their reactions would be fun to watch). This is about doing things more for myself instead of others. I consider this my dark side mainly because Mr. Congeniality is still strong within but ultimately I think it sounds cool.
Ergo, I want my dark side to shine so I can truly embrace and engage in coital activity with my essence and potential. This will make me a tonne more productive for myself. Nonetheless, it needs to be controlled, which is why Mr. Congeniality is not going to be fired or disposed of but merely demoted. I'm not saying that Irrational Zaid will control the Rational Zaid, but to keep things in perspective before I go way out of hand. In this case, it's better that Irrational Zaid goes out of control than Rational Zaid, lest I end up being a narcissistic over-achieving cock-face.
We'll see what happens next.
I consider this both FRUIT and FECES.
After a series of both foul and fantastic eye-opening experiences, I discovered something dyadic about my personality or cognitive status. There are two sides to Nik Zaid Hanis: a) the Rational Zaid, and b) the Irrational Zaid. Ironically, I have come to learn that me being rational is also me embracing the dark side, while being irrational is me clinging to Mr. Congeniality. Why is that?
Well, let's look at George Herbert Mead's theory on Symbolic Interactionism on the part of the "I" and "Me" (from my own understanding of his theory). According to Mead, the "Me" is the person's mirror image based on how others sees him or her; whereas the "I" is the person's reflection based on him/herself. So technically, "I" is my very own perception of myself, while "Me" is my perception of myself based on the collective assumptions of others. Pretty confusing, isn't it? Actually it isn't if your brain isn't so shallow (redundancy is somehow required to accommodate this).
All this time, I've actually been more Mr. Congeniality, subconsciously trying to fit into the norms of what others see me. For example, when I'm in a relationship, I'd forgo a significant part of me to be a person favorable to my significant other and less so to myself. Another example, I'd be very anxious to do some extra work in a group project so I will be significantly beneficial to the entire team. This in turn has somewhat curtailed or chained my inner essence to shine. In short, I have this need to make others happy at the expense of my own joy and perhaps, benefits. Having less benefits for myself to make others happy is actually destructive, and therefore irrational. Hence, Mr. Congeniality is Irrational Zaid.
The "I" within me has made an alarmingly large amount of advice and warnings that Irrational Zaid has ignored, resulting in much lost, such as self-confidence, self-esteem, and ambition (not enough to make me insane). The selfish side has been pushing me to be more practical than emotional on things. There have been literally straight questions like, "So what? Do you actually gain anything by giving in to that petty bullshit?" And the rationale for that question would be, "You can neither please anyone nor control their reactions. Whatever lost they suffer, it's theirs not yours." Of course, this is not really about me purposefully being a negative force or an obstacle to others like, defecating in my big brother's master bedroom, or drinking alcohol naked in front of my relatives (I think their reactions would be fun to watch). This is about doing things more for myself instead of others. I consider this my dark side mainly because Mr. Congeniality is still strong within but ultimately I think it sounds cool.
Ergo, I want my dark side to shine so I can truly embrace and engage in coital activity with my essence and potential. This will make me a tonne more productive for myself. Nonetheless, it needs to be controlled, which is why Mr. Congeniality is not going to be fired or disposed of but merely demoted. I'm not saying that Irrational Zaid will control the Rational Zaid, but to keep things in perspective before I go way out of hand. In this case, it's better that Irrational Zaid goes out of control than Rational Zaid, lest I end up being a narcissistic over-achieving cock-face.
We'll see what happens next.
I consider this both FRUIT and FECES.
Monday, November 16, 2009
Wednesday, October 7, 2009
The Serenade of the Damned and Rapturous
Alright, this story is a detailed description of my most recent dream. I thought it was hilarious and fun. I was one of the young Vampires. Please be advised that the passages contain descriptions that may be offensive or inappropriate (especially children). Readers read at your own discretion.
My name is Hades and today I stand victoriously upon the corpse of the most loathsome enemy our kind has ever fought. For too long he tortured our brothers and sisters without mercy. Look now upon his face, hapless, weak, and dumb. Before I tell you what happened today in this field, flooded with gaudy bodies, you must know of this foe.
His name was Jimmy. To his people, he was Jimmy the Flower. To us, he was Jimmy the Stink. He was a great leader to his people merely because of his lyrics on world peace and the purging of our kind. Every day he stood upon the wooden stage, played his penis-shaped guitar, and sang. When the night veiled the sky, he would bring out our captured brothers and sisters, and tortured them. No Vampire deserves to be wrapped with foul-smelling shawls and painted in rainbow colors! A good brother of mine was among his captives but he managed to escape. When he returned to us, our obsidian eyes eroded, for we saw flowers of pink and blue painted on his handsome face. Oh how he wept like a child, for he suffered so much from the presence of Teddy Bears and fluffy kittens that he desperately wished to greet the sun. It was then when I vowed to kill Jimmy the Stink.
We Vampires have been fighting the Hippies for centuries. They are a multitude of bodies that have no sense of progress. Their senses are bent only on the fragrance of the burning leaf and their so-called ecstatic music to which our ears can go deaf. For our brothers and sisters, slumbering near these rotting zombies is of great discomfort. As long as the Hippies exist, the Earth trembles with disgusting symphonies and mindless lyrics. We Vampires grew tired of listening to the nonsensical gibberish.
Ten hours ago, I led an army of three hundred warriors, fully clad in the most advanced armor we have created. We were impervious to the sunlight, and armed with pliers and blow torches. Our weapons had to be crude and painful for these mindless drones. However our brightly colored enemies were quite formidable.
Jimmy the Stink had an army of over ten thousand Hippies, armed with guitars, flutes and crossbows that fired perfume bolts. We were not intimidated by their numbers, for most of them were already disoriented like dying flies.
As the sun was falling behind the northwestern horizon, we fought relentlessly against the Hippies. I with my pliers and blow torch cut my path through the horde at ease, hoping to meet Jimmy the Stink. He was not too far, for I could smell the horrid stench of his spongy underarms. And there upon that rock he stood, naked as a jaybird. As I got closer to him, my eardrums quaked, and my nostrils scalded. He was singing John Lennon’s Imagine and his odor was nefariously horrendous. My mind was in pain but I did not falter. While my brothers and sisters fought, spilled paint, and burned petals, I roared to strike upon his wiggling penis, tattooed with bluish colors to look like a humming bird.
With one swing of my pliers, he fell rolling to the ground screaming, as the lyrics of Imagine evaporated into the air. I showed him no mercy. The blow torch became my euphoria when I burned his blue eyes. Consumed with joy I sang Frank Sinatra’s My Way. With his last breath, the remaining Hippies decided to flee at last. But we showed them no mercy. While I disfigured Jimmy the Stink, our soldiers pursued those fools. At the stroke of midnight, we had killed all ten thousand Hippies and their pathetic leader, Jimmy the Stink. We shall scatter the limbs and heads of these Hippies throughout the lands. We tasted not a single drop of their blood, however. It is brimming with diseases to which we Vampires are not immune.
Today is a new victory for the Vampires and there will be more, my young brothers and sisters. Soon all Hippies will be annihilated and the Vampires can roam free without the fear of being showered with petals, shrouded in rainbow shawls or poisoned with the smell of burned leaves. Now go and help your elders dismember these corpses but be cautious and keep your tongues behind your lips!
10/07/09
My name is Hades and today I stand victoriously upon the corpse of the most loathsome enemy our kind has ever fought. For too long he tortured our brothers and sisters without mercy. Look now upon his face, hapless, weak, and dumb. Before I tell you what happened today in this field, flooded with gaudy bodies, you must know of this foe.
His name was Jimmy. To his people, he was Jimmy the Flower. To us, he was Jimmy the Stink. He was a great leader to his people merely because of his lyrics on world peace and the purging of our kind. Every day he stood upon the wooden stage, played his penis-shaped guitar, and sang. When the night veiled the sky, he would bring out our captured brothers and sisters, and tortured them. No Vampire deserves to be wrapped with foul-smelling shawls and painted in rainbow colors! A good brother of mine was among his captives but he managed to escape. When he returned to us, our obsidian eyes eroded, for we saw flowers of pink and blue painted on his handsome face. Oh how he wept like a child, for he suffered so much from the presence of Teddy Bears and fluffy kittens that he desperately wished to greet the sun. It was then when I vowed to kill Jimmy the Stink.
We Vampires have been fighting the Hippies for centuries. They are a multitude of bodies that have no sense of progress. Their senses are bent only on the fragrance of the burning leaf and their so-called ecstatic music to which our ears can go deaf. For our brothers and sisters, slumbering near these rotting zombies is of great discomfort. As long as the Hippies exist, the Earth trembles with disgusting symphonies and mindless lyrics. We Vampires grew tired of listening to the nonsensical gibberish.
Ten hours ago, I led an army of three hundred warriors, fully clad in the most advanced armor we have created. We were impervious to the sunlight, and armed with pliers and blow torches. Our weapons had to be crude and painful for these mindless drones. However our brightly colored enemies were quite formidable.
Jimmy the Stink had an army of over ten thousand Hippies, armed with guitars, flutes and crossbows that fired perfume bolts. We were not intimidated by their numbers, for most of them were already disoriented like dying flies.
As the sun was falling behind the northwestern horizon, we fought relentlessly against the Hippies. I with my pliers and blow torch cut my path through the horde at ease, hoping to meet Jimmy the Stink. He was not too far, for I could smell the horrid stench of his spongy underarms. And there upon that rock he stood, naked as a jaybird. As I got closer to him, my eardrums quaked, and my nostrils scalded. He was singing John Lennon’s Imagine and his odor was nefariously horrendous. My mind was in pain but I did not falter. While my brothers and sisters fought, spilled paint, and burned petals, I roared to strike upon his wiggling penis, tattooed with bluish colors to look like a humming bird.
With one swing of my pliers, he fell rolling to the ground screaming, as the lyrics of Imagine evaporated into the air. I showed him no mercy. The blow torch became my euphoria when I burned his blue eyes. Consumed with joy I sang Frank Sinatra’s My Way. With his last breath, the remaining Hippies decided to flee at last. But we showed them no mercy. While I disfigured Jimmy the Stink, our soldiers pursued those fools. At the stroke of midnight, we had killed all ten thousand Hippies and their pathetic leader, Jimmy the Stink. We shall scatter the limbs and heads of these Hippies throughout the lands. We tasted not a single drop of their blood, however. It is brimming with diseases to which we Vampires are not immune.
Today is a new victory for the Vampires and there will be more, my young brothers and sisters. Soon all Hippies will be annihilated and the Vampires can roam free without the fear of being showered with petals, shrouded in rainbow shawls or poisoned with the smell of burned leaves. Now go and help your elders dismember these corpses but be cautious and keep your tongues behind your lips!
10/07/09
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